The past few weeks have been hitting me hard as the realization sinks in that I will soon be taking a big step in a different direction. School is becoming tiresome and boring and I am so close to being done I don’t feel like putting in anymore effort to get to my end result. Every year around this time something changes about me and I feel different and new, maybe it’s because the weather is becoming warmer, the snow is finally melting and I feel free, yet trapped at the same time. I want to be alone, but I also want to surround myself with all the beautiful, amazing people I am fortunate to have in my life. What I have come to realize the past four years is how easily people come and go, but the best things are friendships that keep reappearing and popping up- loosing that connection and becoming reconnected again. Adulthood does this. Everyone’s lives are busy floating from one flower to the next trying to get the work done that just so happens to be bestowed upon you. As I get older, and maybe a little wiser, I miss the memories of childhood. Always having that time for friends and building bonds by going on adventures and creating connections.
Adulthood is becoming who I am, as I age and push my self threw life trying to connect and reconnect with people, but what has hit me is the fact that creating strong lasting friendships have changed. Realizing I’m growing up is hard and realizing that the bonds you create with people are not like the ones you use too. I guess you can say last night I came to some kind of “epiphany”. Things aren’t like they use to be and things will never be the same as we are constantly growing and searching for ourselves. A friend said to me “I realized I wasn’t a kid anymore when I started biting pull and peels and cheese strings instead pulling them apart.” As a kid you enjoy the simple things in life and the concept of time is just a figment of when to eat and sleep, but when you grow up time keeps on ticking as you’re constantly checking the clock and worry about what you have to do next. Instead of sitting down and enjoying the simple things we rush by taking a big bite out of time like we did to the cheese string. Instead of simply peeling it apart and enjoying what’s in front of us we bite reality right down the middle in hopes to crush in as much shit in one day.
So as I am sitting in my disaster of a room from last nights shenanigans I vow to take in every moment of life and embrace it, I’m tired of letting it just pass by. Even though I only have been living here for the past four year, I have grew up here. I learned about myself, I became independent, I realized what true friends are and the people I enjoy surrounding myself with. Here’s to pushing out the negative and letting in the positive (even though I hate those words probably due to the fact that I’m an English major and I would get slapped in the face for ever using it in an essay). Let me rephrase then: Here’s to flushing out the toxins and absorbing the beauty and wonder that surrounds me every day.
Cheers 🙂
Esspresso Yourself 